Why do some happy & strong relationships break?

Before you read this have an open mind as I would be talking from spiritual & metaphysical perspectives too.

If your first thought was infidelity, my question to you is: What leads to infidelity?

Most of the time what we see outside/action has a strong reason for it. I have tried to break them into some reasons I have seen as a therapist.

Outside - Inside: Many times we see a couple happy together in public & label them as "perfect couple", "couple goals". We have no clue what is going on between them, what's behind the closed doors. When either one or both feel enough is enough they part ways. It could be anyone or multiple reasons from below:

1. Silent victim: Closed doors have many stories to say, one of it is of suffocation, abuse, gaslighting & broken soul. When the person had enough or has to take a stand for children they break their silence & all the "Happy couple" image shatters into pieces. To gather this courage sometimes take years & many little nudges. Sometimes when the oppressor has become weak, the victim becomes strong.

2. For the kids or family's sake: Off lately we see many couples calling off their marriage after their children have come to a particular age or things are a bit sorted. They held on to their relationship till a particular personal or family milestone is achieved.

3. Bottling up: Holding on to the pain for long & pretending they are fine. Usually one partner, rarely I have seen both partners do it. One person bottles up for years & let's the other person assume everything is fine. One fine day it flares up & takes down everything that was built on the "everything is fine " foundation. Usually, these people believe in sacrificing themselves for having a perfect relationship. More of "I can make other's happy", "other's happiness makes me happy". In this process, they would have lost themselves.

4. Mask: Pretending to be someone else. How long can a person not be him/herself? Max 2 -3 years in a relationship. Once the mask is off, things start to shake. For it to crash takes another year or two. Usually, they pretended to be good, understanding all the time, maybe because of fear of rejection or they wait until they are sure you won't leave them.

5. Individual goals are different/expectations from life: We all grow in a relationship. Sometimes we grow linear & it doesn't look like growth, but it's there. Especially with homemakers, they grow emotionally, mentally & are still in the same role. That a linear growth.

When one is growing & expanding one's horizon, life offers multiple possibilities, which could be career growth, wanting to have a family, spiritual growth, or something else. Many do try to work things out & yet it fails.

6. Speed of growth: This one is very interesting. This has multiple aspects to it. Just like in school, one kid was a fast learner another one was like a snail. It's similar to that but in areas of life. One partner is growing & achieving goals. Another one is struggling & stressed out. The way both of them approach life is completely different.

Ego, power play, inferiority & superiority complex comes.

One interesting aspect here is spirituality, wisdom & life lessons. We could talk about humility, togetherness, space to grow, contribution & support. These are easy said than done.

7. Life plan: Some relationships come into our lives to help us grow, learn some life lessons. Once their purpose is done, they part ways. If they wouldn't have been in our lives, we wouldn't have reached where we are now.

It's learning & embracing is a new journey. What the journey is decided by the person, Some land up building empires, some take vows of never being in a relationship, some choose partners who will take them to next level of life, some go in finding themselves & grow spiritually. That relationship becomes a turning point for them & that brings them on their life plan.

Relationship dynamics always fascinate me, seeing people change, be empowered by releasing their toxic patterns & finding themselves in the process of resolving their relationship be it with parents, spouse, partner, body, or money.

Love

Jaanvi

Individual Therapy

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