Love kernels, unrequited love & abandonment.

As an adult we process emotions differently when compared to a child. We intellectualize an emotion, find reasons & justifications, deny, avoid, get submerged into it & do every possible thing to not go through it & repeat certain patterns in our relationships. We keep hoping that the next one will be better or this one will turn out good, “i know i have given my best it has to turn out good.” we read numbers of articles on toxic relationships, narcissistic partner, gas-lighting, think positive, happy vibe, vision board, relationship goals – the do’s & dont’s. I can list out many such articles that guides us on how to have a better relationship & look for those “red flags” in other person. i wish they spoke about one’s “red flags” too. I would like to call it “my dark lover” you can call what you feel like.

I am talking about the feeling that you are seeking from each relationship be it with your friends, family, partner, kids & some cases colleagues. I have seen many people go to any extent to please someone in a relationship even when they receive hardly anything. It would be like little kernels dropped once in awhile to keep the relationship going, that little hope it is working out, i know he/she cares for me & those justifications & reasoning we give on behalf of that person. Its mostly for our hope that we are doing it, its something that keeps one going in the relationship.

We all know about unrequited love. the constant giving, unacknowledged, taken for granted, ignored & most of the time its just one sided love affair. Its mostly an affair in one’s mind/fantasy & nothing in reality. It something that one indulges in to avoid unpleasant reality of that relationship with the fear of “happy/wonderful love story” being destroyed without it having a chance to live. So to keep it alive we pursue it with all our energy just focused on that relationship & that somehow becomes center of our life & then seeps in the fear of losing it, losing it is like losing self now. One’s identity is attached to it.

When we look deeper into these actions its not about being delusional, weak willed, unloved or unstable its a call for love, care, acknowledgment & acceptance by a child that had gone through some of abandonment, rejection & being neglected as a child. Remember as an adult we process emotions & situations different when compared to a child. What an adult would intellectualize & reason out, thanks to learning & development through years, a child would respond to them through its perception that is age appropriate. May be now when someone didn’t invite you to a party would make you frustrated & then you will reason out & come to some conclusion about the person. For a child its been processed as neglected, rejected or not liked/loved. As an adult you may go through same feeling but learn to express it out in some form, a child would internalize it & hold on to it making it its belief pattern that plays role in one’s adult life (its subconscious record player).

When someone is in these love kernel, unrequited love, one sided affair situation, just ask “what need of mine is getting fulfilled?”, “what will happen if i leave this?”, “how will i feel?”, “what am i seeking from this relationship?”. Try to trace it back to when you 1st felt that. You will have many layers to address before you reach to the core. That’s OK 🙂 really its absolutely fine. Sometimes going directly to the core could get intense, baby steps are good. There are times you may be on the receiving end, someone is doing it to you, someone is putting in all the effort & you are enjoying it. If that’s the case then what are you gaining from this? what do you feel when you have someone chase you? yup, it goes both ways! i believe in healthy relationship where there is clarity & 2 people have honest conversations on their expectations, needs & goals. One may say how can that be with parent & with kids, its possible but for that you need to have your clarity 1st. Love J

Just in case you need some assistance to change your relationship dynamic you can book your session on jaanvi.t.31@gmail.com.

#redflagsinrelationship #unrequitedlove #childhoodrejection #childhoodtrauma #lovekernel #abandonment #relationshipdynamics