Reflection of relationships in movies

Gehraiyaan movie from the perspective of a psychotherapist.

Many people have shown their concern for showing infidelity in movies, even though this is increasing at present. Please don’t say it used to not happen earlier, our generation, our parents’ generation & other moral gyaans. It used to happen even then, it was mostly by men, women agreed, ignore or helplessly accepted it as they had no choice. How do I know? By having many honest conversations with women of all ages.

I liked the movie; it had many layers to it when looked at without any moral lenses, as life & as humans are. It could have been cut short & a few other shortcomings. I will skip those parts & go straight to a psychotherapist perspective.

Your beliefs shape your reality: Alisha believed that she is unlucky, felt abandoned as a child, took on responsibilities of her father as a caretaker, felt burdened, not wanting to be STUCK like her mother & harming herself in the process, inferiority complex, need for acknowledgment & need to be fulfilled in a relationship which she missed as a child. All of these were seen in every aspect of her life, be it technical glitch during an important presentation to an investor, being a caretaker of her boyfriend, feeling stuck, suffocated in her current relationship & later on in the new one.

If observed closely you could also sense inferiority complex, comparing self with her cousin & her successful bf. Her need to experience fresh air, break free from suffocation led her to a new one. This happens with each one of us, we do every possible thing to change a situation & somehow come to experience the same again & the cycle continues until it’s broken at a subconscious level.

What you resist persist. A thing which we have heard many times by now, I leave this to you to tell me what was it that she resisted being that she became & was experiencing it all the time. Hint: I don’t want to… We all say it. I don’t want, I am not like, I am not going to become/be like that person. There was a wonderful scene when her father says “accept it & move on”.

Our early life experiences shape our adult relationships, especially our romantic & parenting styles. What we missed out on, what we craved for, what we felt was unjust or unfair all gets projected in our romantic relationships, where we are either compensating or wanting to receive in it. A sense of being incomplete always accompanies leading us to feel lonely, misunderstood & sinking in some darkness. It feels like a lot is there & yet you don’t know what that is. Hint: dig it to when you felt that 1st & what memories come up.

Part of our money reality also comes from seeing how our parents were with it.

Why do people in a committed relationship have affairs? This is the most common question. The answer lies in the relationship equation between the couple. Tinder & other dating apps have been my actual research place, for interacting with people & knowing them (strengths, weaknesses, reasons to look out of marriage & fear of calling off the relationship/marriage). Most of the time the feeling of being unloved, unheard, lost & unmet needs. Many times unspoken little things turn into regrets & become huge as if the problem is big & unsolvable. It's unsolvable because the core is elsewhere, the issue at hand is something else.

One of the major aspects of infidelity is attachment style or say love language. Alisha needed to feel loved, assured & included to feel secure. Karan from what was shown was more of an independent individual. It’s a good mismatch.

Many movies have multiple layers of human emotions & what shapes their actions. Most of these movies are controversial to the masses as it doesn’t spoon-feed you but makes you look at the character as a whole individual with their past, insecurities, driving force, desires & emotions. One of the series which I really love was Bombay begum & crazy ex-girlfriend on Netflix & Modern Love on prime.

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